Welcome to "In Your Ear With Coach Yolanda"!
Hey Girl, Hey! It’s time to pull back the curtain on one of the most insidious yet misunderstood parts of narcissistic abuse: flying monkeys. If you’ve ever felt like the narcissist in your life had an army working against you, constantly poking, monitoring, and enabling their behavior—you were probably dealing with these so-called "flying monkeys."
In today’s Taboo Tuesday Blog, we’re breaking down what flying monkeys are, how they operate, and the different disguises they wear. Trust me, these folks are everywhere. Let’s get into it.
What Are Flying Monkeys in Narcissistic Abuse?
The term "flying monkeys" comes straight out of The Wizard of Oz, but in the world of narcissistic abuse, these characters are far from fictional. Flying monkeys are the people the narcissist enlists to do their dirty work. They act as spies, enablers, and abusers by proxy, carrying out the narcissist’s agenda while appearing to be "neutral" or "concerned."
These individuals aren’t just innocent bystanders—they play an active role in keeping you under the narcissist’s control, undermining your progress, and sowing confusion and doubt.
How Flying Monkeys Operate
Monitoring SpiritsFlying monkeys are professional snoops. They come to you under the guise of concern or support, but their true purpose is to report everything you say or do back to the narcissist. They’re the narc’s eyes and ears, ensuring you stay in their web of control.
Example: A so-called friend checks in with you after a breakup, claiming they just want to make sure you’re okay. Later, you hear your private conversation has made its way back to the narc. Coincidence? Hardly.
Enablers of AbuseFlying monkeys help the narcissist continue their bad behavior by justifying, excusing, or flat-out ignoring it. Instead of holding the narc accountable, they enable the cycle of abuse.
Example: That "homeboy" who keeps hyping the narc up, calling him “the man” while knowing he’s mistreating you. Or his mom who tells you, “That’s just how he is, honey.”
Jealous DisguisesSometimes, flying monkeys aren’t just clueless enablers—they’re jealous of you. These individuals align with the narcissist out of envy for your strength, beauty, or accomplishments. They smile in your face but work behind your back to tear you down.
Example: His sister who always has something slick to say about you, or that so-called “female best friend” who acts like she’s just one of the guys but keeps feeding the narc dirt about you.
Flying Monkeys in Disguise
Flying monkeys come in all forms, so don’t be fooled. Here are some of the most common disguises they wear:
Family Members: His mom, sister, cousin, or aunt who refuse to hold him accountable and instead blame you for his bad behavior.
Female Friends: That “bestie” who pretends to be supportive but is secretly enabling his antics.
Homeboys: His crew thinks it’s cool to keep him on a pedestal while he mistreats women.
Mutual Friends: People who seem neutral but are secretly acting as messengers for the narc.
The Flying Monkey’s True Purpose
Flying monkeys aren’t just annoyances—they’re strategic tools in the narcissist’s game of control. They:
Keep you confused and second-guessing yourself.
Enable the narc to avoid responsibility.
Help the narc maintain their false image while tearing yours down.
Isolate you from support and make you feel alone.
How to Deal with Flying Monkeys
Set Boundaries. Once you identify someone as a flying monkey, limit your interactions with them. Don’t overshare personal information—they don’t deserve access to your life.
Cut Contact When Necessary. If someone repeatedly enables the narc or betrays your trust, it’s time to go no-contact. Protecting your peace should always come first.
Stay Firm in Your Truth. Flying monkeys will try to manipulate you, but remember: your reality is valid. Their opinions don’t define you.
Take Back Your Power
Healing from narcissistic abuse means breaking free from not just the narc, but their flying monkeys too. These enablers thrive on keeping you stuck, but you have the tools to move forward.
Start your healing journey today with my He Ain’t It, Sis! Courses:
Volume 1: Unmasking the Monster: Learn how to spot and understand narcissistic behavior.
Volume 2: From Breakdown to Breakthrough: Turn the pain of narcissistic abuse into your biggest comeback.
Volume 3: Snatch Your Crown Back: Reclaim your confidence and power as the unstoppable queen you are.
Free Resources to Jumpstart Your Healing
💌 10-Point Checklist for Identifying Rejection Sensitivity after Narc AbuseRejection hurts deeply, especially after being discarded by a narcissist. This checklist helps you understand and navigate rejection sensitivity with clarity.👉 Get the Checklist for Free Here
📘 2 FREE Modules from He Ain’t It, Sis! Volume 2: From Breakdown to BreakthroughExplore the impact of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and learn strategies to overcome the intense fear of rejection post-abuse.👉 Get Your Free Modules Here
Final Thoughts
Flying monkeys might surround the narc, but they can’t stop your glow-up. Your healing, peace, and power are yours to reclaim. The moment you cut off the narc and their enablers is the moment you start thriving.
You deserve a life free from their chaos. Start your journey now.
Until next week,
Coach Yolanda
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Coach Yolanda
Master Self-Care & Healing Life Coach
Certified Focus Mastery & Breakthrough Life Coach
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