Today, we’re diving into a painful, hidden struggle that so many women endure: returning to a narcissistic partner after they’ve discarded and rejected you. You’ve left once, maybe even several times, only to be pulled back by promises, apologies, and the hope that this time will be different. But here’s the heartbreaking reality—the cycle is not just exhausting; it’s dangerous. If this pattern sounds familiar, it may be time to break free for good.
Understanding the Cycle of the Narcissistic Relationship
A narcissist’s attention can feel intoxicating—especially when they’ve hurt and rejected you in the past, only to turn around and beg you back. They know exactly what to say to keep you in their orbit, and each time they pull you back, it’s an attempt to maintain control, not love.
Here’s how the toxic cycle plays out, keeping you emotionally trapped:
The Sweet-Talk Apology: After you’ve walked away, they may flood you with apologies, saying everything they know you want to hear. They promise to change, say they understand your pain, and declare they can’t live without you. But as convincing as it sounds, these are empty words meant to reel you back in.
Love-Bombing & Attention: Just when you start to feel strong again, they begin the love-bombing—a flurry of affection and attention that makes you feel like they really care. You’re reminded of the good times, and hope sneaks back in.
Rejection & Discarding: Inevitably, things return to their toxic norm. They become cold, distant, and critical, ultimately rejecting you again. The cycle of discard is hurtful, but to the narcissist, it’s a way to punish you for even thinking about leaving.
Luring You Back—Again: When you try to move on, they’ll repeat the cycle, pulling you back yet again. This pattern is not about love; it’s about keeping control and keeping you emotionally off-balance.
Why It’s Time to Stop the Game—For Good
Leaving and returning only feeds the narcissist’s sense of power, and each cycle only makes it harder to break free. Narcissists are experts at sensing when you’re ready to walk away, and they’ll often ramp up their efforts to keep you engaged. But this back-and-forth is not only draining; it’s risky. Narcissists can become increasingly dangerous, especially when they feel they’re losing control for good. Don’t play into this harmful dynamic. Breaking the cycle is a matter of self-preservation and emotional freedom.
Steps to Safely Break Free and Protect Yourself
Getting out for good requires intention, support, and a concrete plan. Here’s how to begin:
Set a No-Contact Rule and Stick to It: Once you’ve decided to leave, stay gone. Block their number, remove them from social media, and avoid places where you know you might run into them. Going no-contact protects you from their manipulation and gives you space to heal.
Remind Yourself Why You Left: Write down the reasons you decided to leave and the pain you’ve endured. Reread this whenever you feel doubt creeping in or nostalgia for the good moments, which were likely brief and fleeting.
Avoid the “Peekaboo” Contact Game: Any form of ongoing contact—even “just checking in” texts—can fuel their sense of control. Don’t let the cycle repeat by keeping one foot in the relationship. Narcissists thrive on this confusion and use it to keep you attached.
Strengthen Your Boundaries & Enforce Them: A narcissist will test your limits at every turn. Set strong boundaries and remember that these are non-negotiable. You owe them no explanations, no updates, and certainly no second chances.
Find a Support Network & Use It: Surround yourself with friends, family, or support groups who understand your struggle. This circle of support will remind you that you’re not alone and help you stay strong through any moments of weakness.
The Dangerous Illusion of Change
Each time a narcissist comes back, it’s easy to believe that maybe this time, they’re different. But true change requires self-reflection, accountability, and time—qualities that narcissists rarely display. Their return isn’t proof of love; it’s an attempt to restore the control they feel slipping away. Their attention after you leave is a tool to keep you emotionally ensnared, not a testament to any newfound love or understanding.
Know the Serious Risks of Staying Stuck
Continuing the back-and-forth can escalate a narcissist’s behavior, leading to increased emotional and sometimes even physical harm. When a narcissist senses that they’re losing control, they can become desperate and dangerous. Too many women have faced life-threatening situations after underestimating the lengths their abuser would go to retain control. Please, don’t assume they won’t take it that far. This is your life, and you deserve safety and peace.
Resources for Support & Guidance
If you’re feeling stuck or uncertain, there are organizations ready to help you create a safe, clear path to freedom:
National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-7233 or text “START” to 88788. Available 24/7 for support.
Women’s Shelters Directory: womenshelters.org – Find a safe place to stay and connect with resources.
RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): Call 1-800-656-4673 or visit rainn.org – Provides guidance for all forms of abuse.
Take Back Your Freedom
Leaving a narcissist for good is one of the most empowering steps you can take. It’s about breaking the cycle, protecting your mental health, and refusing to be part of their damaging game. You deserve a relationship built on respect, love, and peace—not control and manipulation.
You don’t have to do this alone. Support, healing, and freedom are within reach, and there’s an entire community ready to uplift you. Take that step, reclaim your life, and know that better days are waiting for you. Remember, all rejections are not bad. It's God's way of protecting you. The back and forth because you think that you need closure?
THE CLOSURE WAS THE DISRESPECT! LET THAT SINK IN!
Coach Yolanda
Here are More Resources to support your healing and empowerment journey!
Unmask the Narc! with Volume 1 of He Ain't It, Sis Mini Course
Discover Your Breakthrough after the Rejection & Discard with Volume 2 of the He Ain't It, Mini Course series
Snatch Your Crown Back, Sis! with the 3rd edition of the He Ain't It, Sis! Series with Volumn 3
Start Your Goal Journey Now! with my High Heels, Higher Standards Goal Workbook
Infuse Your Romantic Encounters with an element of intrigue and playful secrecy with my handmade Persona Role Playing Candles (Sneaky Link, Only Fan, Stripper Bowl, & Candy Lady) and the Ultimate Seduction Game with the Kama Sutra Role Playing cards.
Inspire Communication in your Healthy Relationship with the Flag On the Play Couples Conflict Resolution Playbook & the Entre Nous Partner to Partner Affirmation Cards.
Step Into Sophistication with my handmade Demure Candle collection (Pretty In Pink, Soft Glam, Chic, & Lady Love)
Empower What's Next! with my handmade luxury reed diffuser designed to inspire ambition, adventure, and unapologetic femininity. (Pink-G-5 and Concrete Rose)
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